Do you feel like people don’t understand you and your business ideas?
They don’t get what you’re trying to do, or why you’re passionate about coaching.
How do you get over the fear of other people’s opinions, especially when those people are your family and friends?
In this blog, (and podcast) I’m going to tell you the essential mindset shifts you need to make, which will help you overcome that fear of being judged.
By the way, if you’d rather listen than read, here’s where you can tune in to this episode:
Before we get started…I want to invite you to my free online training called: The 4-Part Formula For Replacing Your 9-5 Income With A Coaching Business You Love, and that’s exactly what I teach you, inside the class. There has never been a better time to pursue your dreams of a business that gives you freedom, flexibility, and fulfillment — plus the ability to work from the comfort and safety of your own home — and I teach you my exact system for doing that inside this free training.
It’s Often You Not Them
Let’s dive into today’s topic. I was inspired by a question that came from one of my Academy participants. On one of our calls, she talked about the fact that her friends and family don’t understand her passion for her business. And she was asking: How do you get over the fear of judgment by others, especially from family?
I feel like this is such an important subject.
Let’s face it; this is a prevalent issue for those who are building unusual businesses, moving away from conventional jobs and careers, and taking a unique path.
So how do you get over that fear of judgment? Start by taking a look at what you are judging ourselves for. Here’s the truth: we all have a powerful ability to get others to judge us for what we judge ourselves for.
If you are at all insecure or unsure about what you do, you could evoke a particular reaction in others. It’s an energetic thing. It’s like you’re walking around handing out cards to people that say: please ask me about my business so you can judge me for how weird it is.
I know this sounds kind of woo, but just stay with me here.
When I was first moving from medicine to coaching, I felt awkward about telling others. I was going against the grain of what all my colleagues and peers were doing, and what I’d been officially trained to do. It was a new thing for me; I’d only recently discovered the world of coaching. I had a split energy about it. I was excited and felt like I had found this excellent new direction for myself, but I also worried about people judging me and dismissing my dreams and ideas.
I would always have people asking me about my move. I seemed to always find myself in a situation where people asked me what I did for a living.
It was so weird. I was always finding myself tripping over my words and trying to explain my coaching dreams and the direction I was going in. I would hate trying to justify why I was moving away from conventional medicine.
Here’s what’s interesting. The moment I stopped judging myself for being this weird doctor fed up with medicine instead of becoming a coach, the frequency of people asking, “So hey Kim, what do you do for a living?” went down dramatically.
And it’s not a coincidence.
I was projecting that feeling of doubt and skepticism. I was giving off that kind of energy, and people were just reflecting it to me.
It was bothering me, and I thought it was all on them, but it was really down to me.
One of my mentors took me to task on this once. She said: “Kim if someone got all judgy because of your green hair, would that bother you?” Which I thought was a weird question for her to ask. For reference, I don’t have and have never had green hair. I didn’t exactly understand what she was getting at.
I said, “No, that wouldn’t bother me. I don’t have green hair.” She said, “Right, you don’t. So if someone is judgmental of you becoming a coach, because they say coaching is weird and flaky and isn’t a real profession. It only bothers you if you believe what they’re saying is true.”
This mindset stopped me in my tracks. She then said: “If you didn’t believe those things yourself, it wouldn’t bother you to hear someone talking about them. You would know it wasn’t true. It would be like someone commenting on your green hair. It’s not true, so it’s their issue, not yours. It wouldn’t touch you.”
At that moment, I had so much clarity. The penny dropped. I thought: “Oh my God, that’s so true.” Deep down, I had nagging worries that coaching was too different. I was just triggering my self-doubt and judgment.
Be A Better Explainer
The first and most important step is to stop judging yourself.
Once you’re able to do that, here’s what you need to do next.
When someone doesn’t react to your new business with positivity, don’t make assumptions about their questions or comments.
Take the opportunity to consider other possibilities. What if you’ve never really taken the time to explain it to them? Maybe their questions aren’t really from a place of judgment or negativity, but they’re legitimately interested in what you’re talking about. Perhaps they’re slightly confused about what it all means. Maybe it’s just a matter of staying open, and telling them what coaching is, or how it works. Remember, in regards to coaching, most people don’t truly know what it entails.
Several years ago, when I was at an airport, arriving in California to attend a coaching conference, the passport officer, a reasonably young man, asked me the purpose of my trip. I said I was attending a conference. Naturally, he asked me, “what kind?” and I said it was a coaching conference.
His eyes lit up. “Oh, great. Like coaching a sport? Do you coach a team?” and I said, “Oh, no, I mean like wellness coaching. It’s sort of like health coaching, but also kind of like life coaching…” and then I saw his visible interest go quickly to confusion, and then straight to disinterest. “Oh, okay,” he said, clearly not understanding what I was talking about.
But to me, his attitude shift didn’t matter. I realized even though I was immersing myself in this new and exciting world of coaching — and not coaching a sport with a whistle around my neck — and even though the conference I was headed to would have hundreds of others in attendance — the rest of the world is often totally unaware, and that’s okay.
Don’t Assume
Let’s say you have explained it to them, and they still think you’re weird.
Then, it’s time to stop trying to get their approval.
Wanting to influence or change what people think is a losing game. You simply can’t control what people think.
A lot of times, people’s opinions about what you’re doing may be well-meaning. It may come from a place of them being worried for you. Especially when people care about you, they don’t want to see you get hurt or fail; they’re just trying to keep you safe. Or, possibly, watching you aim for your goals is triggering something in them that makes them realize that they’ve been playing it safe. They’ve settled, and secretly that makes them feel bad about themselves. Watching you going for it, taking risks, and making things happen, is triggering their feelings of mediocrity.
So you’ve got to realize that these judgments and criticisms have very little do with you, and have everything to do with them.
Let people have their fears, their opinions, and their judgments. It’s okay. It doesn’t matter. The only way it matters is if you let it stop you.
Find Your Tribe
Finally, remember how important it is to have a community around you; you need support. A like-minded tribe that you can hang out with–whether it’s online or in real life– is an absolute must.
Once I started seeking out like-minded women who were also driven and passionate about building a business, it became a lot easier to stop worrying about what other people thought. I realized that I don’t need anyone else’s approval or permission to keep going for my dreams. And I love that I can get together with these other women, online or offline, and we just get each other.
I don’t have to explain to them what an email list is, or a landing page, and I certainly don’t have to explain to them why on earth I would want to build an online coaching business. They just get it.
It’s essential to surround yourself with positive people who are also actively pursuing their dreams. Be inspired by them instead of getting dragged down by others who may not approve of what you’re doing.
I know the standard advice is to just cut negative people out of your life. But sometimes that’s not always possible. What if this person is your mother? Your sister? It’s not so easy.
Instead, don’t depend on those people for approval and community. Find yourself a tribe, or join a group program. My own group program, Business Academy for Coaches, would be the perfect community for you if you’re super passionate about coaching, health, and wellness. If you’ve got big dreams, you need mentorship and a supportive uplifting sisterhood to get you there. Whether it’s my group or another group, find your tribe.
Summary
So let’s just recap those tips. When you’re trying to get over the worry of other people judging you, here are the steps you need to take.
First, take a look at what you are judging yourself for– be honest with yourself, and stop being your own worst critic.
Second, when someone doesn’t react to your new business with positivity, don’t make assumptions about their comments. Is it possible they just need you to explain it more clearly to them?
Third, if you have taken a minute to help them understand, and are still questioning your choices, stop trying to get their approval. You don’t need it. Live your life, follow your dreams, and if other people are judging you for it — let them. Who cares? You’ll be too busy having fun and achieving your goals to worry about it.
And finally, actively seek out a supportive community. You need a tribe. You need other people who completely get it. You need a group that will encourage each other to keep going for their dreams– no matter how big or unconventional they are.
Join Our Tribe
I hope they were helpful to you. I’d love to know: which tip you found most useful, which gave you that ‘aha’ moment, and let me know! Take a screenshot of this podcast as you’re listening to it, and then add it to your Instagram stories and tag me: let me know which tip you’re going to implement this week!
If this blog resonated with you and you’re also feeling stuck inside a job or a career that just does not fulfill you anymore, I’m inviting you to join my online course, the 4-Part Formula For Replacing Your 9-5 Income With A Coaching Business You Love.
You know that you’re meant for more, and you would love to create a business of your own, a coaching business that provides not only meaning and impact, but also the freedom and flexibility you crave.
Inside this free online training, I’m going to teach you my 4-part framework, my proven method for creating a freedom-based business for myself, and how I’ve helped all my clients do the same. All you have to do is claim your seat at, and then you can be watching that training this week, and taking the next step on the path to the business of your dreams. Are you ready to start pursuing your dream career? I’d love to help you! Click here to start working with me today!
Catapult Yourself Into Your Dream Business
If this blog resonated with you and you’re also feeling stuck inside a job or a career that just does not fulfill you anymore, I’m inviting you to join my online course, the 4-Part Formula For Replacing Your 9-5 Income With A Coaching Business You Love.
You know that you’re meant for more and you would love to create a business of your own, a coaching business that not only provides meaning and impact, but also the freedom and flexibility you crave.
Inside this free online training, I’m going to teach you my 4-part framework, my proven method for how I created a freedom-based business for myself, and how I’ve helped all my clients do the same. All you have to do is claim your seat at, and then you can be watching that training this week, and taking the next step on the path to the business of your dreams. Are you ready to start pursuing your dream career? I’d love to help you! Click here to start working with me today!
Guess what? I am now enrolling for my group coaching program, Business Academy for Coaches!
Resources & Links:
- The 4-Part Formula For Replacing Your 9-5 Income With A Coaching Business You Love (my free training)
- Business Academy for Coaches
- Health Coach Squad (my free Facebook Group)
- The best platform for your coaching practice: Practice Better
- The landing page program I recommend: Leadpages
- The email marketing system I recommend: ConvertKit
- 3 Ways To Get New Clients (my free guide): drkimfoster.com/getnewclients
N.B. some links are affiliate links.
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