Whether it’s a mentor, manager, partner, or system, many of us are waiting for someone to come and hand us a better life.
But here’s what you need to know… No one is coming, and if you keep waiting for permission, you’ll be waiting forever.
Harsh but true. And look, it’s not your fault because we have been trained to wait for permission.
But now the world is changing, and the people who will thrive in the next decade are those who decide to stop waiting and choose high agency.
In this article, I’m explaining what high agency actually is, how we’ve been quietly trained out of it, and how to start building more of it today.
What High Agency Really Means
Imagine two people stranded on a desert island. Scattered around them are a few broken pieces of wood.
One person uses the wood to spell out the word “HELP” on the sand. The other uses it to start building a raft.
Can you guess which one is operating from high agency?
When we operate from low agency, we believe “someone should come save me” and “I can’t move until something changes.” We remain focused on how the situation we are in isn’t fair.
But when we operate from high agency, we shift our focus to “What can I do with what’s here?” We move from a victim mindset to a solution-seeking one. We understand that while we may not be able to control the situation, we can control our response to it.
In modern life, we might not need to create a “HELP” sign, but if we’re stuck in low agency, we:
- Wait for someone else to fix our problems
- Wait to be chosen
- Wait for motivation or confidence
But when we choose to stop waiting, we start:
- Betting on ourselves
- Experimenting
- Initiating
How Most Of Us Were Trained Out Of Agency
Society is designed to keep us in low agency.
Schools, careers, and institutions all have hierarchies and permission structures in which we’re rewarded for submitting, following instructions, and waiting our turn.
These societal structures teach us that agency is outsourced. We stop trusting ourselves and start believing that to improve our situation, we need help from someone or something.
That’s why so many of us find ourselves in a situation where we know what we want but aren’t taking the action to make it happen.
How To Build High Agency
Even though we may have been programmed to wait for permission, it’s totally possible (and crucial) to build high agency. Here are 5 practical ways to do so:
- Stop Waiting For Internal Permission
A key thing to understand about agency is that we don’t just wait for external permission; we also wait for internal permission.
This looks like wanting to do something but believing that the time isn’t right, believing that before we can act, we need more:
- Confidence
- Clarity
- Experience
- Skills
- Motivation
So often we tell ourselves, “I’ll do it when I feel ready,” without realizing that this is low agency.
High agency, on the other hand, understands that confidence does not precede action; it follows evidence. When we operate from a place of high agency, we choose to act and let readiness catch up.
Now I want to point out that operating from high agency is supposed to feel uncomfortable. Deciding you’re no longer going to wait for permission doesn’t magically eliminate discomfort; it just reduces the authority we give it.
In other words, when we operate on high agency, we let our feelings get a vote, but we don’t give them veto power.
- Make It Your Move
Low agency waits for better options. High agency chooses the best available option and adapts.
This is what separates the people who feel perpetually stuck from the people whose lives quietly keep moving forward.
It’s not about liking the situation you’re in, but taking ownership of it. It’s about moving out of the victim mindset and into authorship.
In a victim mindset, you focus on how unfair things are. In an authorship mindset, you understand that YOU can be the person to improve your situation.
So next time you find yourself in a situation you don’t like, ask yourself: “Given these constraints… What is my move?”
For example, let’s say you hate your job. Instead of complaining about it yet staying put, you might decide to update your CV.
Or let’s say you’re unhappy with your health. Instead of changing your busy schedule for the situation, you might decide to adjust one small behavior, such as taking the stairs in your office instead of the elevator.
- Bet On Yourself
This step is NOT about quitting your job or blowing up your life. It’s about small self-trust deposits like:
- Sending that uncomfortable email
- Starting the thing before it’s perfect
- Signing up for that fitness class
Here’s why this is crucial:
Every time you act despite discomfort or possible rejection, you’re giving your brain evidence that you CAN handle movement. And that’s the fastest, most effective way to build resilience and self-belief.
- Reduce The Gap Between Thinking and Doing
Low agency lives in the gap between intention and action.
Low agency people often consider taking action. They consume, reflect, and plan thoroughly, even creating a 12-month roadmap.
But all the planning doesn’t make them feel prepared; it just makes them overwhelmed. So they rarely take action and instead stay in the gap.
High agency shortens that gap, because high agency people don’t overthink the first step. They just take it.
And that’s the key.
Don’t get stuck in the planning phase. You don’t need to have everything perfectly mapped out. You just need to take the first move.
This is something I can help you do in my free 5-day challenge — The Reset. It’s a calm and structured program designed to help you step out of passive mode and back into authorship of your life.
- Practice Agency Daily
High agency isn’t built in dramatic turning points. It’s built in ordinary moments where you choose to take action instead of drifting, postponing, or waiting.
You build it when you:
- Have the conversation you’ve been putting off
- Stop scrolling when you decide to
- Wake up at the time you say you will
When you repeat these small acts of alignment daily, you prove to your brain that you are NOT powerless in your own life, and instead, you ARE the author.
Final Thoughts
In my latest YouTube video, I walk you through these 5 practices in more detail.
I also discuss why high agency will matter more than ever in this next decade and why waiting for permission will soon no longer be an option.
Check it out here:
I’m curious to know… What area of your life have you been waiting for permission in? Leave a comment below to let me know!
Resources:
- My Free, 5-Day Guided Challenge: The Reset
- My Free Class for Health Coaches: How To Build A 6-Figure Health Coaching Business Using One Signature Program
- Dr. Kim on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drkimfoster/
JOIN THE INSIDER LIST!
If you’re interested in my upcoming book Redesigning You, the Insider List is the best way to stay connected.
You’ll receive early updates, behind-the-scenes notes from the writing and publishing process, and first access to excerpts as they become available.
No spam. Just thoughtful updates, shared occasionally.
