There was a season in my life when I felt like I was behind. I looked around at my peers, whose careers, relationships, and successes all seemed light-years ahead of mine.

It was crushing. I’d lie awake at night, replaying the same questions: What am I doing wrong? Why am I so far behind?

If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve felt it too—that sinking feeling that you’re late to your own life.

Here’s what I want you to know: you’re not behind. You just think you are.

And in this article, I’m going to prove it to you.

Here are 4 truths that helped me break free from the shame spiral of feeling behind. Understanding these truths will help you reframe your perspective and reclaim your own timeline so that you can move forward with confidence.

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TRUTH 1: The Comparison Trap Is Built Into Modern Life

Let’s start by normalizing comparison. 

Social comparison is an innate human tendency that stems back to tribal times, when we needed to fit in to survive. But back then, our “comparison pool” was a small group of people—our tribe.

Now? 

Thanks to social media, we’re comparing ourselves to thousands of people every single day.

The average person spends over 2.5 hours a day scrolling, being bombarded with life highlights like promotions, weddings, babies, luxury vacations, you name it.

No wonder we feel behind.

But here’s the truth: social media isn’t real life. It’s a carefully curated version designed to show the best bits and hide the rest.

I remember scrolling Instagram one night and seeing a woman I went to school with. 

She had just launched her second company, she looked amazing in every photo, and she seemed to be living this completely elevated life.

I felt that familiar sting: I should be further along by now.

Well… Months later, I found out she was going through a divorce, battling burnout, and had stepped back from her business.

That initial impression I got from her life on social media couldn’t have been any further from the truth.

TRUTH 2: Success Timelines Are Artificial And Culturally Constructed

Society likes to make us believe there is only one timeline for our lives.

Finish school → Start a career → Get married → Buy a house → Have kids → Climb the career ladder → Retire and live happily ever after.

And of course, there’s an unspoken deadline for each milestone. Miss it, and you’re “behind.”

But here’s the truth: that cultural timeline is made up and completely outdated.

In the 1970s, the average age of a first-time mother was 21. Yet today it’s over 30 in many countries.

The same goes for marriage, homeownership, and even career milestones. People are pivoting careers in their 40s, starting companies in their 50s, and finding love in their 60s.

And here’s the kicker … I know (and I’m sure you do too) many people who have reached all those “milestones” yet do not feel any more fulfilled than the rest of us.

In fact, the happiest people I know are the ones who threw out the script. They stopped chasing society’s checklist and started honoring their own timeline. 

And maybe, just maybe, it’s time we all did the same.

TRUTH 3: Everyone’s Path Is Uniquely Wired By Identity

Next time you catch yourself spiraling because you’re not making as much money as someone else or climbing the career ladder as fast as they are, remember this:

You’re not where they are because you’re not them.

Your life path isn’t supposed to look like theirs. How could it? 

Your upbringing, values, circumstances, and responsibilities are entirely different, so of course, your timeline and definition of success will be different too.

Here’s the shift that can break the comparison trap:

All the experiences you’ve had so far have been for a reason. That job you hated, the relationship that turned out to be toxic, and even the failed business attempt have all shaped you in ways you probably can’t even see yet.

Psychologist Dr. Meg Jay calls this identity capital: the experiences, skills, and choices that shape who you are. Much of it is invisible, but it’s always building, especially when it feels like nothing is happening.

So even if you think you haven’t made any progress, I guarantee you HAVE. You might just have been planting an orchard instead of a garden. 

What do I mean by that?

A garden blooms fast, with the results visible within a year. But an orchard takes many, many years to grow before it overflows with fruit.

So if life feels slow, maybe you’re in an orchard season. You’re not behind; you’re growing roots.

TRUTH 4: The Illusion of Certainty 

Remember those picture-perfect versions of success we scroll past on social media?

We don’t just assume they’re real; we also assume those people feel like they’re winning at life.

Newsflash: They don’t.

One thing I’ve come to realize is that the more confident, secure, and fulfilled someone appears, the more likely they are to be winging it. 

There’s actually a term for this in psychology—impression management, which is directly linked to lower life satisfaction.

It refers to the way we curate how others perceive us. And in the age of social media, we’ve become experts at it.

We show the job title, not the self-doubt.

The smiling couple, not the tense silence.

The milestone, not the meltdown.

You’re never seeing the whole story. So instead of obsessing over someone else’s polished highlight reel, ask yourself:

What would it look like to be more honest with myself? To measure my life by MEANING instead of milestones?

Because chasing someone else’s version of success will never bring you peace. But uncovering your own purpose and living aligned with YOUR values will!

How to Reclaim Your Own Timeline

So now you know that you’re not actually behind anyone, how do you reclaim your timeline and embrace your unique path?

In this week’s YouTube video, I share three powerful shifts that helped me, and might help you too.

I’ll teach you how to zoom out and see the bigger picture, uncover your values and redefine your definition of success, and stay focused on your progress, not anyone else’s.

Here’s where you can watch the full episode:

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And if you want further guidance in reconnecting with your energy, your identity, and your next chapter, I created a FREE 5-day challenge called The Reset.

It’s short. It’s powerful. And it’s designed to help you realign with what actually matters to you!

Resources:

• The Reset Challenge – FREE 5-Day Challenge To Reclaim Your Energy, Focus & Mindset
• The WellPlanned Method – Master Your Goals With The WellPlanned Goal Planner
• My Free Class for Health Coaches: How To Build A 6-Figure Health Coaching Business Using One Signature Program
• Dr. Kim on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drkimfoster/

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