The Book That Helped Me Stop Playing Small: How To Overcome The Upper Limit Problem

There was a time when I was working full-time as a family doctor. I had two healthy boys, a beautiful home, and all the stability I had ever wanted. 

My life made total sense, and on paper, everything looked perfect. But inside, I felt like I was slowly disappearing.

I knew I felt stuck, but I didn’t understand what was blocking me.

Then I read a book that gave my experience a name: The Upper Limit Problem.

The book opened my eyes to what was really going on; Why I kept self-sabotaging and why I could never seem to break through, no matter how hard I worked.

If you feel stuck and invisible in your own life, despite how amazing or perfect it might look from the outside, this book will stop you from wasting your life, just as it did for me.

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The Book That Changed Everything

One morning, I was sitting in my doctor’s office, with a back-to-back schedule of patients.

As always, I would patch up their problems and write them prescriptions, while knowing in the back of my mind that they would probably be back here again in a few weeks.

I remember thinking: This can’t be it, this can’t be all I’m here to do… handing out Band-Aids while ignoring the deeper wounds underneath.

That day, I decided to go for a walk at lunchtime. It was a small act of rebellion because I knew I had a ton of paperwork I should be doing instead.

As I stepped outside, I popped in my earbuds and started listening to a podcast. On that podcast, I heard them mention a book called The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks.

Something in me just knew I needed to read this book. So I downloaded it on Audible straight away, and that walk changed everything…

The Upper Limit Problem: The Hidden Barrier Between You and Your Next Level

In The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks introduces the upper limit problem. 

He says we all have an internal thermostat for how much success, love, or happiness we’ll allow ourselves to experience. And when life starts going too well, we subconsciously find ways to turn the temperature back down.

Here’s how it might play out in real life:

• You land an opportunity, then convince yourself you’re not ready.
• You start seeing progress, then “reward” yourself by taking your foot off the gas.
• You have a great week, then pick a fight with your partner over something ridiculous.

Why does this happen?

Well, when things feel too good, our brain panics because good is unfamiliar. And unfamiliar feels unsafe.

Psychologists call this self-handicapping, which means creating familiar problems to avoid the discomfort of growth. In other words, your mind would rather stay in predictable pain than face uncertain joy.

Noticing When The Upper Limit Problem Shows Up

Once I learned about this concept, I immediately started seeing it show up in my life. 

For example, whenever something started going well with my wellness coaching business, my mind would convince me that I was in the wrong niche, needed a new strategy, or should rebuild my website.

It was only once I knew about the upper limit problem that I could see what this urge was: fear disguised as productivity.

When opportunities arose, I’d retreat to safety. Like the time I was invited to speak at wellness events and, at the same time, offered a promotion at my clinic.

While my dream was to grow my wellness brand (which the speaking gigs would help me do), I knew that accepting the promotion was the most responsible, logical, and sensible choice.

So, of course, I said no to the speaking gigs and yes to the promotion.

This is precisely why spotting the upper limit problem is so difficult. Because it doesn’t show up as fear, it shows up as logic, responsibility, and “good decisions.”

Until one day, you realize you’ve built a life that feels very safe but very small.

The Reason We Self-Sabotage (It’s Not What You Think)

It’s crucial to understand that your brain isn’t the enemy; it’s just trying to keep you safe.

Your mind is wired for familiar, not fulfilling. So when you start expanding yourself (whether by writing that book, launching that business, or taking that risk), your nervous system goes on high alert.

Harvard psychologist Robert Kegan calls this “immunity to change,” referring to the subconscious resistance we have to anything that threatens our current identity.

Your brain is basically that overprotective friend who means well but convinces you that every opportunity is actually a dangerous risk. 

The good news, though, is that we don’t have to listen to this overprotective friend in our minds. 

Awareness interrupts the pattern of self-sabotage.

Once you understand that discomfort is not danger but growth, you can start to expand your upper limit.

How To Overcome Self-Sabotage And Start Raising Your Upper Limit

It’s one thing to know you’re self-sabotaging and another thing to stop doing it when your entire nervous system is screaming at you to retreat to safety.

The solution?

Start small.

Here are three tiny shifts I took to raise my upper limit and rewire my relationship with success.

1. Name It In Real Time

Whenever I caught myself spiraling (overthinking, doubting, or “strategizing” my way out of progress), I’d make a point to identify it by saying aloud: “Ah. Upper limit moment.”

That simple label created space between me and the reaction. If I could SEE what was happening, I was far less likely to automatically believe it.

This tactic isn’t something I just made up. There’s actually research showing that naming an emotion calms activity in the amygdala (the brain’s fear center). Psychologists call this “affect labeling.”

So every time you say out loud what is going on inside you, you retrain your brain to see discomfort as data rather than danger.

2. Expand Your “Capacity For Good”

Every time something good happened, such as getting a compliment, achieving a goal, or even just feeling a moment of ease, I would quickly downplay it by brushing it off.

So instead, I started pausing and letting myself feel good for just 10 seconds longer.

Neuroscientist Rick Hanson’s research shows that savoring positive moments offsets the brain’s negativity bias. You literally rewire your brain to expect more goodness, while training your nervous system to feel safe enough to experience joy and success.

3. Rewrite The Story Of Who You Are

For years, I clung to the label “doctor” because it made me feel valuable. But eventually I realized that doing so was keeping me small.

So I started asking the question: “Who do I need to become to believe I’m allowed this life?”

And little by little, I began expanding that definition, seeing myself as a creator, coach, storyteller, mother, woman in her power.

Each time I showed up as something other than a doctor, I raised my upper limit a little higher. Until one day, I realized the ceiling I’d been living under wasn’t there anymore.

Ready To Break Through Your Own Ceiling?

In my latest YouTube video, I walk you through The Upper Limit Problem step-by-step and share exactly how to start expanding your capacity for more joy, freedom, and fulfillment.

Watch it here:

Watch it here:

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And if you’re feeling stuck right now, I’ve got something that will help you take that first step.

The Reset is a free 5-day challenge designed to help you clear the noise, reset your focus, and start expanding what’s possible again. 

You’ll get short daily emails, a printable tracker, and the exact tools I used to raise my upper limit!

Resources:

• The Reset Challenge – FREE 5-Day Challenge To Reclaim Your Energy, Focus & Mindset
• The WellPlanned Method – Master Your Goals With The WellPlanned Goal Planner
• My Free Class for Health Coaches: How To Build A 6-Figure Health Coaching Business Using One Signature Program
• Dr. Kim on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drkimfoster/

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