Sometimes we want to improve one small area of our lives. Maybe we want to get better at a certain skill or quit a bad habit.
Then other times, we want to become a completely different version of ourselves.
And that kind of transformation requires a very different approach.
The strategies that help you improve a single habit or skill don’t hold up when it comes to leveling up your entire identity.
Whether you want to become more successful, healthier, or more magnetic, profound change requires more than setting another goal.
Here’s what science tells us about identity-level personal transformation, and how to make changes deep enough that they actually alter the direction of your life.
1. Make your future self real
Most people approach change by asking “What do I need to fix?” or “What do I need to stop?”
But if you want profound change, you have to ask a very different question:
Who am I becoming?
There’s a psychological concept called “possible selves,” which refers to the cognitive representations of our future self, whether that’s our most successful, confident, or healthiest version.
Being able to imagine our possible selves helps us identify the gap between who we are now and who we want to be, which shapes our choices and behaviors.
It’s also linked to the future-self continuity theory. The more connected we feel to our future selves, the more motivated we are to make the choices required to become that person.
This means that if our future self feels like a stranger, our dreams will remain hypothetical and we’ll struggle to take practical action to shorten the gap.
So rather than setting abstract goals like “I want to get fit” or “I want to start a business,” ask yourself how that person would show up in the world.
- What do they do on an ordinary Tuesday?
- What do they tolerate?
- How do they walk into a room?
2. Create evidence
Once you’ve gotten specific on who your future self is and how they show up, start building evidence to convince your mind that you can become them.
As human beings, we are constantly self-observing. Our minds see what we repeatedly do and draw conclusions from that evidence.
When it comes to personal transformation, this can be either favorable or obstructive.
Let’s say you want to become a runner. You show up consistently for your morning runs, sign up for a 10km race, follow your training plan, and then cross the finish line on race day.
Regardless of how long it took or how hard it felt, you’ll likely call yourself a runner at this point because you’ve created the evidence to believe it.
On the other hand, imagine you want to learn a new language, but you only study from textbooks. You never practice by speaking it aloud, so you don’t give your brain the evidence it needs to believe you can speak that language.
Sure, you might learn some words and understand the grammar concepts. But until you create the evidence through successful spoken practice, you’ll struggle to communicate.
Sure, when you start creating evidence, you will feel deeply uncomfortable.
Those first few runs will feel like torture. Speaking a new language will feel so embarrassing you’ll want the ground to swallow you up.
But when you act before you feel good enough and survive, your brain starts to think, “Wait… maybe I CAN do this.”
3. Stop relying on conscious effort
Pushing yourself to make conscious effort is key, but it is not enough on its own.
Behavioral science shows that repeated behaviors become more automatic when they’re tied to consistent cues and contexts.
In other words, when you create an environment that prompts your desired behavior, you’re much more likely to do it.
This could look like putting your running shoes by the door as a cue to go for a run when you get home from work.
Or it could look like putting your journal on the dining table to prompt you to journal while eating breakfast.
When the behavior has a cue, there’s just a lot less negotiation.
So the key is to curate your environment so that taking action feels natural. To help you do this, here are some reflection questions to ask:
- What can cue the desired action? Pick a specific trigger that already happens reliably, such as after making coffee, after dropping the kids off, etc.
- How can I make it easier? Reduce the friction by setting up the cue beforehand, such as prepping the food for the healthy breakfast you want to make the night before.
4. Expect the old you to come back
This is the part many people don’t expect.
You start to make progress. You’re feeling stronger, healthier, more confident, or more disciplined.
But then you revert to your old behavior.
Perhaps you skip a workout, order takeout, or overreact to a situation. And in that moment, you tell yourself, “See? I haven’t changed.”
But returning to an old pattern is not failure. And it doesn’t mean you’ve undone all your progress.
Our old patterns don’t disappear the moment we form new ones. Many of our old behaviors and beliefs are deep-set, learned over years and tied to cues, context, and repetition.
So it’s unrealistic to expect yourself to break free of them completely.
Whenever you return to an old environment or encounter an old emotional trigger, those old responses can easily resurface.
The key is to notice when it happens and redirect. Observe it as a data point, mentally stating “old pattern.” Then make the conscious decision to return to the new pattern.
The more you rehearse the new behavior, the harder it will become for the old pattern to take hold.
5. Make the new you normal
At first, becoming someone different can feel uncomfortable.
You put yourself in rooms, conversations, and situations that intimidate you. And for a while, it doesn’t feel natural. You might even feel like you’re faking it.
Many people get discouraged in this stage; after all, it’s easier to retreat to the comfort and familiarity of your old self.
But if you stick with it, the unfamiliar will become familiar.
Things that take a lot of effort will eventually become easier, and that’s all thanks to neuroplasticity.
Your brain is continuously responding to what it’s experiencing. So the more you practice and experience your new identity, the more your brain learns that identity and becomes comfortable with it.
Ready to Become Unrecognizable?
These five steps can change the way you approach personal transformation, but knowing what to do is only the beginning.
In this week’s YouTube video, I explain the science behind each step in deeper detail and share more practical tips and takeaways.
Watch it here:
I want to leave you with one question:
What would make you almost unrecognizable a year from now?
Let me know in the comments below.
Resources:
- Stop Getting In Your Own Way: Download The Self-Sabotage Recovery Guide
- Try Shortform For Free: Get A Free-Trial (And A Discount On Your Annual Subscription)
- Order my NEW BOOK “Redesigning You”: https://drkimfoster.com/book
- Dr. Kim on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drkimfoster/
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